Self-Image

photo by China Hamilton

BDSM, slave training, self image and submission

Adler described private logic instead of self-image in his writings.  The two terms are similar but private logic is, at least, for the purpose of these writings a broader term. 

Private logic is a person's unique evaluation of self, others, and the world, (personal environment) and what is required by you of them and what is required of them by you.  It is a self-philosophy that ones entire lifestyle is based upon.  Private logic is based upon convictions which are not usually in awareness. Both the subconscious and the conscious are included in our private logic. 

Private logic determines the type of lifestyle we live.

Self-image is defined as the way in which we view ourselves. Self-image is the conscious view of our self.  It is our self-evaluation of our lives.  A person can have a negative self-image based upon a private logic that involves faulty thinking.  

Conflicts arise when private logic does not agree with social aspects of our lives.   A slave must feel in harmony with the environment in order to be successfully serving her Master in a long-term relationship. Her Master must challenge the private logic of his slave if there is a conflict. 

A slave must have a positive self-image in her slavery.  A positive self-image that displays acceptance of her slavery frees her to expand her world and have a feeling of belonging and joy. 

Core beliefs are the basis of her self-image.  Often self-image will greatly effect the emotions expressed by an event.   Responses often change the same event depending on the growth of self-image.  One can become emotional over an event and still have no great internal turmoil, if you have a positive self-image. 

A positive self-image occurs when a slave’s core beliefs are to accept and enjoy the learned behaviors required to serve, obey and please her Master.  She is at peace in her slavery and it feels natural to her.   The slave develops a sense of belonging to her Master.  She has learned to let go of negative ideas and feelings about being the property of another and feeling connected to her Master through her slavery.  She has experienced the restrictions of slavery and they have become part of her being.  She sees that she pleases her Master by her service and accepts that a slave is judged by her service.   She is owned but does not own and knows her happiness lies in this.  She is the property of her Master.

One of the keys to developing a slave's  positive self-image is her lack of privacy in hiding thoughts and emotions from her Master.    Not allowing behavioral privacy and explaining what is expected of her and reinforcing her for revealing enter thoughts and feels are the best methods for developing openness.  

Examples of methods used to control or change imagery:    

·        Hypnosis

·        Rewards and encouragement

·        Discussions

·        Ego strengthening

·        Positive imagery - The picturing of a positive image in your mind or picturing acting correctly.

·        Goal rehearsal & coping skills - practicing the goals that are set by the Master.

Probably the single best method of improving self-image in a slave is telling her when she is pleasing you with her behavior.

A slave can have a set of unrealistic benchmarks for what she believes is a positive self-image.   This could include money, possessions, and other things that are valued in current culture.  Satisfaction and pride can come from social interest and a connectiveness with her Master.   The willingness to serve, obey and please for the benefit of her Master can provide not only life-long self-esteem, but earn a slave the esteem and appreciation of her Master.

Often the root of what constitutes the slave's self-esteem needs to be examined.  Challenging the slave's thoughts about herself and encouragement are important.  

Below is a list of common types of thoughts that a Master may wish to keep in mind as he improves his slave's self-image.   A negative self-image is based upon thoughts that affect her emotions.  

Positive Thought to change self-image from  http://mtstcil.org/skills/image-3.html

• Avoid Extremes
  Correct the internal voice thank thinks in extreme, especially when it is negative. Example: ("I always make mistakes)"    No one "always" does anything.  
• Stop thinking negative thoughts
  Sometimes putting a stop on negative thinking is as easy as that. The next time you start giving yourself an internal browbeating, tell yourself to "stop it!" If you saw a person yelling insults at another person, you would probably tell them to stop. Why do you accept that behavior from yourself?
• Accentuate the positive.
  Instead of focusing on what you think are your negative qualities, accentuate your strengths and assets.
• Accept flaws and being human.
   All people have flaws and make mistakes. They've forgiven themselves; so can you.
• Accept imperfections.
  Perfection is a high goal to aim for -- you don't need to start there or even end there.  Allow yourself to make mistakes and then forgive yourself. Try laughing instead of criticizing.
• Don't bully yourself!
  "Should have, could have, would have…" Try not to constantly second guess yourself, criticize yourself for what you "should" have done better, or expect too much from yourself.
• Replace criticism with encouragement.
  Instead of nagging or focusing on the negative (in yourself and others), replace your criticism with encouragement. Give constructive criticism
• Don't feel guilty about things beyond your control.
  You are not to blame every time something goes wrong or someone has a problem. Apologizing for things and accepting blame can be a positive quality, if you are in the wrong and if you learn and move on. But you shouldn't feel responsible for all problems or assume you are to blame whenever someone is upset.
• Don't feel responsible for everything.
  Just as everything is not your fault, not everything is your responsibility. It's okay to be helpful, but don't feel the need to be all things (and do all things) for all people.
• Do feel responsible for your feelings.
   You create your own feelings and make your own decisions. People and events may have an affect on your emotions, but they can't dictate them.
• Treat yourself kindly.
  People often feel more comfortable treating themselves in ways they wouldn't consider treating others. Do you criticize yourself with terms like "stupid" "ugly" or "loser"? Would you use those terms to describe a friend?
• Give yourself a break.
  You don't need to be all things to all people or please everyone. Give yourself permission to decide you're doing the best you can
• Look at the brighter side of things.
  You can choose how to interpret comments and events, so try for the more positive interpretations.
• Forgive and forget.
  Try not to hang on to painful memories and bad feelings - this is a surefire way to encourage negative thoughts.
• Focus on what you CAN do, not what you can't. 
   

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